I’ve written about anger a couple of times. I grew up in a house where anger was unpredictable and scary. When I was a child I felt that this anger in our household which was directed towards me was often not actually about me – it felt unfair. Yet, I couldn’t fight against it, I couldn’t explain myself or justify my position to an angry adult. I told myself many times that I would not hit my children, or yell at them, or scare them; and that I would listen to them when they wanted to explain their apparent ‘bad’ behaviour. I’ve kept a lot of these promises, but not all of them. Children have a way of forcing you to deal with those issues hidden in the back of your head, and it’s not by controlling their behaviour, it’s by controlling and understanding your own.
I was/am a loved child. A wanted and cared for child. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t handed some of my parent’s own issues that they hadn’t resolved. I’m seeking to resolve my own issues, I’m sure some of them will be handed down. I’m even more sure my kids will develop their own. But I want them to see me taking responsibility for my own actions which affect their lives. That matters to me.
Without further ado, my most recent, but probably not the last article on mental health and trying really hard to be a peaceful parent to tiny weirdo’s on very little sleep 😉
“Our experiences in childhood are still part of our lives, they inform our unconscious reactions and ability to respond to parenting stress. We may think that we’ve left those experiences behind, perhaps through therapy and self-care, perhaps through time and distance. However, there is nothing like raising children to teach you that you really don’t know anything, even about yourself.
Everyone has voices from childhood in their head. Some of them are comforting and speak to us of our strength and bravery. Others shake us to our core and cause us to whisper to our children in fierce voices “I will not do that to you.” Sometimes we do it anyway.
Why? Why do we become the very thing we swore never to become?”
Continue reading psychology stuff and how I chucked a tantrum here –